Where Rainbow ends

What a useless day.

Sometimes there are just moments when you feel down and useless, and emo all at the same time. And unluckily that is just what i am experiencing right now. After more than 12 hours of playing final fantasy 7, i am so lazy to do anything that i just feel like staring at my computer and thinking about stuffs that i don't want to dwell on.

Anyways, i hate being alone sometimes because it gives me time to think and process all that is happening in my life. And the bad thing about this, especially with me, is that i tend to be pesemistic (hindi ko alam spelling! ahaha) about my personal issues. Hay. How unproductive. I know that self reflection should lead you to the answers you have been searching but with me i tend to go in circles making my head hurt even more and leaving me more confused than ever.

Another is that i hate myself for taking everything for granted. my studies, my life and even my volleyball. i am so mediocre about everything that i should "love" to do. hay. Although i tried to push myself to break this mediocre attitude, it seems that until now i have failed this self struggle. sad sad sad. What must i do to free myself and be the best that i can be. I want to be fair to the people who are supporting me.

but then again, habits are really hard to break. Effort, and sometimes this is what i lack. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

I hate being alone, i hate being emo, and i hate that i feel this way.

I feel that my life is incomplete, i feel that something is missing. i don't know what it is, but i know it is out there somewhere.

sometimes i feel that my mind forces me to follow a path that i personally do not want to take. hay

gaya nga ng sabi sa dota. Your fate is sealed. My fate is sealed.

labo......

Coachess kung nasan ka man. para sa iyo ito.

    Bakla ang coach ko.
    e Ano?
    Mahal ko naman ito
    at ito ang totoo

    Masiyahin siya at maloko
    mahilig makipagbiro
    hilig nito'y mangalipusta ng tao
    habang humihithit ng kanyang sigarilyo
   
    Ngunit hindi siya isang masamang tao
    samakatwid isa pa siyang modelo
    Modelo para sa mga anak niya
    Siya mismo ang bumuo

    Hindi man kami magkadugo
    Ang pamilya namin ay totoo
    Sa looban ng kanyang puso
    Lahat kami ay may pwesto

    Nakuha niya ang aming respeto
    at hindi ito isang biro
    Marami siyang itinuro
    lahat ito'y aming sinapuso

    Ngunit ang tadhana ay sadyang mapaglaro
    ginulat kami ng todo
    para lamang kasi itong isang masamang biro
    na hindi namin matangap kung totoo

    Pero....

    Ganon talga.. kahit lahat ng luha ay tumulo
    Wala ito kayang mabago
    tuoy pa rin ang pagikot ng mundo
    at hindi na mabubuhay ang mga naging abo

    Kaya't kailangan tangapin
    kung ano ang totoo
    Mahirap man itong gawin
    alam kong ito ang iyong gusto

    Ngunit hayaan akong magpasalamat
    sa lahat lahat ng iyong ibinahagi
    panghabambuhay kong ito'y dadalhin
    at sa iba'y aking ipapamahagi

    Bakla ang coach ko.
    e Ano?
    Mahal ko naman ito
    at ito ang totoo

    Nagiisa ka lamang coachess
    Mahal kita. Mamimiss kita.

Alam ko proud ka sa amin mga anak mo, pero ngyon nais ko sabihin sa iyo na proud kami at ikaw ang tumayong nanay/tatay/kabarkada/coach.

  

 

I want to be Rich.

This is the only thing that i know i want to do after i graduate. Nothing more. Some might say it is too early to think about the future, but sometimes when you are on vacation mode, meaning you have a lot of time to think, you can't help it, but wonder what will happen to you in the future. and you also wonder what you are doing with your life today.

My personality has never been that of having a long term plan. I am not the kind of person who plans every single detail of his/her life. I have always seen my life through the present and sometimes through the past. I hate change, and i hate the unknown, and i hate things that i can not control. Yet these things that i hate are all unavoidable. They will happen, they will occur.

Up until now, i don't know what i want to do with my life. I have always been bothered by the question of what do i want to happen to me after Ateneo. I have also been harassed by the question of where my course will lead me too? or will i be happy with my life? or am i happy with my life now? Actually i don't know. I have no answers to my questions. i have no plans. Petty as it sounds all i want now is to become rich. To earn money, to be able to buy the things that i want, to be independent and to be able to stand on my own.

Petty reasons are all i have right now. Petty reasons could be all there is to my life.

Will i be happy with this? I don't know, i hope so.

I remember when i was in highschool, i had dreams of what i wanted to be after college. I saw myself being the first Filipino author to be able to breach the international scene and fill the world with my imagination. But then i realized i am not that good of a writer, and i gave up. Then after this i dreamed of being a director, make beautiful and inspirational movies. Be able to shoot, meet celebrities and just be famous. I wanted people to respect my works. But then this dream ended as well. The reason why? I don't know. I guess it was just not practical for me. My parents wanted me to go to Ateneo and be stable with my life, and dreams can't offer you this.

So now i am in AB European Studies, and i am learning how to speak German and how the EU works and all about international politics.  Is my life stable? WIll be stable in the future? I don't know, i hope so.

Sometimes i find myself day dreaming about the future but when i wake up, everything fades away and i end up not remembering anything of it. I want to believe that sometimes dreams are what we subconsciously want to happen in the future.

Yet

Dreams are for the dreamers, and i am not sure if i am one of them.

p.s. you might find this blog a bit confusing and yes i know it is not organized. But i just wrote what i felt like writing and i did not edit it anymore. :D

Jigglypuff rules! YEAH!

After four or five hours of playing Smash Brothers Brawl, i have proven once again, that the pink flying balloon can do more than just sing and be cute. He/She/It can smash!!!

Yes everybody, My Jigglypuff has been able to send Pit, Snake(Allan's characters) and Link (Jp's character) flying away from the stage with Jiggly's puny little legs and arms. I know they are crying inside!! Guys you need practice. AHAHAHA
I am proud to say thay my little baby is ready to take on the yellow annoying mouse who eats chargers for lunch and who can only utter PIKA. (halata bang may angst?? ahaha)

Jigglypuff has gone a long way and may i just add has gotten richer as well. Now, Jigglypuff has a whole new set of wardrobe, each fit for different seasons, although i miss her collection of different colored bows, it is nice that they improved her look. For i am the person believes that her power comes from the accessory i put on her.

Anyways moving on to the point of the blog... Actually besides the fact that i wanna pimp Jigglypuff as the best smasher in the world, i want to focus on how good i have gotten in playing smash. I am not being arrogant or anything, and i am not bragging either. But i just am proud to say that i have gotten SUPER DUPER better compared to before. Because when i think about it, i have only started playing smash brothers last semester, and it was even nearing the end of Feb and it just the start of April. Meaning that i have had a substantial development in the limited time that i was given. (May ganon!) And now i am confident in taking up against certified addicts like Jp, Allan and Greg. AHAHAHAHA.

Anyways again, going back, the point is that i owe a lot my development, to my desire to become the best. It shows how competitive i can be in something that i really like. And it shows that my perseverance and my dedication will produce great outcome. Also it proves my point in my other smash blog, that being patient and taking a lot of beating from those more experienced than you and learning from them can and will make the wheel of fortune to turn and be on your side this time around.

p.s.
Sorry Allan and Jp for telling the whole world how bad you are in playing Smash! ahahah.. JOKE LANG PO.
But seriously you need practice guys! ahahahah. :p
Oh and i am sorry for making another blog about smash brothers, i am just so hooked right now. Smash High. :D

I wish i can be more like this to my volleyball career. :( Lets bring back the passion dolly. :D